Wednesday, 11 March 2009

AND MY FATHER LIVES ON..............................

As a teenager I had closed views about death। I thought end of a life implied end of a relationship . As they took my father away on his last journey, I felt a part of me giving away. It was an agonising pain that numbed my existence. I wailed, I cried, I wept and then all my tears were enveloped into a hollow in my heart which is a void that none can fill.Not that I have not met people over the years who have been close to me but because I did not wish to place anyone on the pedestal my father earned out in his life from me that the void is always there. Sometimes I wonder I have never gifted him anything, not even a birthday card. I was too young to be having the much condemned thing those days...POCKET MONEY;Yet today, I dont really feel I have not given him anyhting. I have replicated his love, his values in my course of life and everyday as I walk close onto the heels of my father's footsteps I feel I am almost living his life.He lives on when I hear out from my mother that I have a tall heart like my father.When I am cherubic and warm with strangers my mother pompously announces "SHE IS JUST LIKE HER FATHER". Deep in my heart i feel a sensation, an anticipating thrill of looking at the mirror to see whether I can see his image; But then my mature self knocks and shakes me out of the reverie.And eventually sense prevails as i dwell within to see my dearest father. What I am today, the way I garner love from others and the way my soul aches for the needy is all about a portrait of this father. Today even when I am in a pensive mood, my heart skips a beat to know that I am compared to my father. If I am proud about anything it is this feeling of contentment that i have taken after my father. I sense a palpable pride when people reitterate "She isnt one shade different from him". A man who was immaculate in his professional life, loyal to his family and especially someone who belonged to everyone outside home .

My father lives on as I pave my life in the lines of his dreams, as i streamline my existence feeling an unbound love for all. Today I feel death isnt powerful at all. It cant take anyone away.It did not have the acumen to rob me of my father and death lies defeated in my hands when I carry on my life fashioned in the framework of my father.Dear father you live on and I can feel your presence in the bountiful love i get from people.Its from you that i have emulated compassion, dynamism, charm and love for all. "Thank you PAPPA as i endearingly called you.....I will never let you die and thats the promise of a daughter." Even in his silence he is connected to me.I have warned death never to challenge me about us as we are connected beyond the boundaries of connection. I have accepted the spaces in our togetherness as it is wrapped in the splendour of my memories with him."Thank you father for bestowing me with a lineage i wouldn't like to part with." Just one wish...."May I meet you my beloved father once again in flesh and blood in all my lives to come??????


  1. Having read your article reminds me of when mamma talks of her dad. There is a pride that I see in her eyes as she gets nostalgic. I haven't seen him but can proudly say he was a noble soul
    and a true gentleman.I suppose they don't make men like them anymore...but I know they must have been mighty proud to have lovely daughters like you:-)-Mitali Salian

  2. Its a lovely article and is truly touching.

  3. I am a fan ...sheer peotry ..keep writing maam !!

  4. How true...the only way you can ever give back anything to your parents is to replicate their values to be a good human being.

    Loved this post !